Alanah Bottecchia

“Oh, Oh, Oh, Ozempic”

David Paton sings the new lyrics of his 1974 song Magic, which has been repurposed as the theme song for the Ozempic campaign.

I hear there is a worldwide shortage of the stuff. Triggered by viral TikTok videos raving about its weight loss effects, causing huge demand. Apparently everybody is prescribed it, but mostly rich people who don’t have diabetes and just want to be skinny. This has made the drug impossible to access, for people who legitimately need it to manage their type 2 diabetes.

As a chubby kid who grew up on a diet of cotoletta and pasta, I dreamt of a pill that could make me skinny. Now it’s here. I want to get a prescription, so I can see how easy it is for a doctor to prescribe me a drug which makes my hunger disappear. I’m by no means overweight or diabetic by the way, but apparently you don’t have to be.